Lost

Sometimes I just don't know what I am doing.

I hate when you feel so lost and the one person you always go to, isn't there. It breaks your heart and makes you question everything. I love him so much! but I don't know what I do to make him so mad at times. I just want to talk to him and he just doesn't want to talk to me. He is all I have and I don't know what to do. I am sure in a few days it will all be fine.
But the pain, is just so much!!

I wish I could explain better how much you mean to me! You are my world, my everything, I just want to make you happy. I have never been so happy than I am with you. I can get mad and frustrated at times, but give me like ten to twenty minutes alone to cool off and all I want is you. Your the one I go to when I am down, confused, and lost. But when these things happen and its between us I don't have you there anymore and I still want to go to you. I wish you could see this and read my heart and see how many times your name is written ALL over it.

I want to talk to you and show you.

The Catch Up

Last Wednesday Sheldan and I hit the road for Sparta. I was so excited to go and see people. While I was in Sparta I stayed with my mom, which was really nice. Everyone kept asking how is that, staying with your mom. But in reality I was the one that choose to do it and I am glad I did. I really miss my mom and family. I never got to see my sister though since she had school and work. Leaving Sparta sucked so bad though. As Sheldan and I pulled away from my moms house I was holding back the tears. Even as I write this now I am crying. I just keeping telling myself the reason I can't go live there is because I am going to school right now. But I know when summer hits I will miss it so much!
I tried talking to Sheldan last night because I cam straight to my dorm and didn't go to his dads house for dinner. So I was texting him and at one point I finally just wrote I want to go home. But really what can he say to that? He replied sorry. So I changed the subject. Later in the conversation I said it again but he stated I don't know how to help you. And honestly I don't know how he could have. I just felt like I needed to be held and he wasn't there so what really could have been done? Oh well I will get over it and focus on school work.

Then last night in one of my dreams I was actually in someones wedding and we were all getting ready but my dad was like in a chair at this place and I kept going over to him and hugging him and kissing him and talking to him. At one point someone said he isn't real Katie, he died. I said, "I don't care at least he is here now." In my dream but Dad didn't say anything to that. But this is the first dream that I can clearly remember that he had talked to me in the dream. He said many things but one thing I remember is he told me he was just glad to see me happy, because he hadn't seen me happy after he had died a lot. I still feel like I can kinda feel the kisses and hugs he gave me in the dream.

It was a good dream to say the least. =] He lives in my heart, memories and dreams.

This Dream

This dream last night
I was in a car with David and we were on that road that comes into Sparta from Alpine. I can't remember what it is called, but you end up going by Family Fare and end up on State Street. He was going really fast and I started to get scared and I think he realizes because he started to slow down but when he hit the breaks hard we spun and like roled on our side (as in the car did) I was in the back seat in the middle buckled but I ended up under the bench seat in the back all the way on the left side. I had unbuckled myself I remember and I was trying to say David are you ok but it was so faint you couldn't actually hear it. When the fire rescue came I was trying to figure out what to do. So I paniced and rebuckled myself on the left seat, and act like I was just unbuckling and they came up and told me not to move. I tried to explain to them what I remembered but since my seating arrangement didn't match the story because I had moved they told me I was probably fine and could go. Then as I started to leave I realized that my face was cut and swollen real bad. I just wanted to fine you Sheldan but I couldn't remember how to text or use my phone. I tried to ask my mom to take me to you but you were at walmart with your mom so she drove me there and I tried to find you. I couldn't find you but I could find your mom and sister. They looked at me and was like WHAT Happen!! lol

I remember waking up and my face hurt

It's been awhile

Since I have posted but I feel I have been busy trying to get ahead in my work because this Wednesday I am leaving for Sparta!! YAY
I am excited for this break and time to visit my home town. I miss people.
I am going to stay with my mom, I hope it goes well and she is happy to have me stay there. I thought it was a good step for me to bring this up and ask her to let me, I feel this is me trying and I hope she see's that. I also really hope this time that Sheldan and I will be able to walk around like we use to and hopefully "go see my dad" I haven't been there in SOOO long. =[
I am also excited to see Sheldan's mom and sisters. I love them like my own family lol

School has been going well and I feel I have been doing really well and working hard. Even used the library on campus a few times this past week and a half.

I start work on April 1st and hope it goes well and that I will be able to make enough money to safe for school. I am a little worried about how my financial air will work out. (reminds me I finally filed my taxes) =]

Today Sheldan and I bought a tv stand and cleaned his room and we are going to start saving our money for fish. We were trying to save for a trip to Mackinaw for a week but we have been putting the fish off so much that now we really want to focus on that.

Thing just seem to be going so well. I am so happy and excited. I can't thank Sheldan enough for all he does for me and we have a great thing going for us.
=D

It's surprising what you may never know

For a project for my Social Work class I have to make this huge portfolio on a social issue. My issue is self-injury. While it says you could include personal stories who deal or have dealt with the issue. So when I did a survey for my project and writing project, I learned of so many people who have self-harmed. Now I am gathering some stories from individuals to use and it just shocks me what some of them were going through. Even with the people that I have known they struggled with it, the details in the story just make me feel horrible for not helping them more.
This is really true in many cases, you never really know the extent of what some people go through. It makes you wondering sometimes what really is going on out there in the world and even right next door.

The Weekend

I have had such an amazing weekend with my Sheldan!!
Today he took me tot he Melting Pot, which is a fondue place. The services wasn't the best but most of the food was good. Sheldan and I got to go out and do something new and special though that was the best part.
Over the weekend Sheldan and I have just been hanging out and being close together. We have been watching movies, tv and relaxing. I feel we have been home a lot of the weekend by ourselve which is nice because we get to just relax and hold each other.
We even made a fort in his room with blankets! hehe it was so cool, Like being a kid again. We even slept in it for like 3 hours or so. Surprisingly it was very comfy.
This weekend has just seemed so special and amazing! I am sad to go back to school but can't wait for next weekend. =D
Also can't wait to go to SPARTA!! woot woot

Make people like you

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.


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