URGGGHHHHH

I hate when things just get under skin and I can't let it go.
This morning my roommate posted on Facebook "Greatttttt! I am Sick again....I hate fans and windows!" Well last night I fell asleep with the fan on and I had the window open. So she claims that I got her sick.
But if we do a little recap we will see she is full of crap!
1. I ALWAYS sleep with the window open...even through winter. That is why my bed is next to it.
2. The fan wasn't blowing on her, only me!!
3. She hasn't been going to bed until 2-3am. (not getting enough sleep)
4. Weather has changed...messing up people's adjustment making them sick
5. The other day she complained of a sore throat...obviously didn't happen from that fan and window.
6. She is ALWAYS talking on the phone, if your throat hurts, knock that shit off and don't eat potato chips eat the pudding or applesauce.
Huh?? Wonder what all of this means?!?

My roommate needs to get her facts straight!!

The Weekend Wrap Up

Friday = Worked...wasn't too bad, kind of slow. I can't wait for it to pick up more.

Saturday = Sheldan working 10 hours, me staying at his place; did some homework, watched movies. Sheldan comes home showers and we spend some time together, it was awesome!

Sunday = BEAUTIFUL weather!!! Sheldan and I went out to a few stores didn't get anything. Then we went to lunch. Olive Garden, was a amazing. Then we go back home and put some shorts on and sit outside on his porch for the rest of the night, talking with his parents, each other and enjoying the weather. What a perfect time.

I can't wait for Summer, such a good thing that I only have this full week, a class on next Monday. Then nothing until exams the next Monday and Tuesday!

Another Day

It is crazy how one day things can be great and the next you seriously think you are going crazy. I am always glad I have support when that happens!

Yesterday was a great day: Sheldan had his first day of work, even though, it was just watching movies on safety. While he was at work I got to go to Matt and Elizabeth's Wedding, which was so nice. Even though it was just at the court house it was amazing. after that we went to a restaurant and celebrated. Sheldan joined us there. While at the restaurant I felt so special that I could help with little Makayla and Rebeka. After that just got to ride in the car with my honey and we talked. Which I love to do!! =D
I can't wait to see him on Friday before we both have to work. But before that can happen I have major school work to do this week.

Hopefully Spring weather comes and stays!

Continue...

Well Sheldan found out he got the job and his hours for this week already! He works Tuesday - Saturday minus Thursday. Which is great, his hours vary everyday. We work the same time on Friday so I am hoping he will just drop me off early and I will probably have to ask for someone to pick me up though.
I will admit one thing that bugs me is he works more hours than me in a week than I do in two weeks. I am happy for him, but I feel like such a loser. I thought it would be great that I got a job and stuff, but no one seems to think an ice cream shop is any good because I already did that for 2 years back in Sparta. Ok not everyone but a handful of people (my family). Now sheldan has a job and he gets like double my hours. ehh I just wanted to do something right and now I just get in the way. I feel like a loser for not getting more hours, not having a better job, and not having my license. I am SO mad at myself and I don't know what to do. Even if I get my license there is no way I can pay for a car and I don't feel confident to drive sheldan's car to even practice and now that he works so much I will have no time to practice.
EHHHHHHHH!! I am so fustrated and mad at myself!!
It is things like this that makes me wonder how I deserve anything and this just makes me mad.

So much yet so little

A lot has happen since my last post, thankfully all to the positive.
I love my Sheldan so much.

Anyways this past weekend I started my new job and I like it so far. I have to get use to there being camera around the whole shop and to the owners always being there. But the owners and the workers are really nice, I do miss Tasty though. I think I am learning quick which is great. Hopefully that will get me off training wage and allow me to get more hours. =D

Also last Wednesday Sheldan and I went out for lunch and he ended up getting a job interview at the Pizza Hut. I am so proud of him!! He finds out for sure today if he got the job and hours and such. I can't wait to find out myself.

continue this later...class time.

Lost

Sometimes I just don't know what I am doing.

I hate when you feel so lost and the one person you always go to, isn't there. It breaks your heart and makes you question everything. I love him so much! but I don't know what I do to make him so mad at times. I just want to talk to him and he just doesn't want to talk to me. He is all I have and I don't know what to do. I am sure in a few days it will all be fine.
But the pain, is just so much!!

I wish I could explain better how much you mean to me! You are my world, my everything, I just want to make you happy. I have never been so happy than I am with you. I can get mad and frustrated at times, but give me like ten to twenty minutes alone to cool off and all I want is you. Your the one I go to when I am down, confused, and lost. But when these things happen and its between us I don't have you there anymore and I still want to go to you. I wish you could see this and read my heart and see how many times your name is written ALL over it.

I want to talk to you and show you.

The Catch Up

Last Wednesday Sheldan and I hit the road for Sparta. I was so excited to go and see people. While I was in Sparta I stayed with my mom, which was really nice. Everyone kept asking how is that, staying with your mom. But in reality I was the one that choose to do it and I am glad I did. I really miss my mom and family. I never got to see my sister though since she had school and work. Leaving Sparta sucked so bad though. As Sheldan and I pulled away from my moms house I was holding back the tears. Even as I write this now I am crying. I just keeping telling myself the reason I can't go live there is because I am going to school right now. But I know when summer hits I will miss it so much!
I tried talking to Sheldan last night because I cam straight to my dorm and didn't go to his dads house for dinner. So I was texting him and at one point I finally just wrote I want to go home. But really what can he say to that? He replied sorry. So I changed the subject. Later in the conversation I said it again but he stated I don't know how to help you. And honestly I don't know how he could have. I just felt like I needed to be held and he wasn't there so what really could have been done? Oh well I will get over it and focus on school work.

Then last night in one of my dreams I was actually in someones wedding and we were all getting ready but my dad was like in a chair at this place and I kept going over to him and hugging him and kissing him and talking to him. At one point someone said he isn't real Katie, he died. I said, "I don't care at least he is here now." In my dream but Dad didn't say anything to that. But this is the first dream that I can clearly remember that he had talked to me in the dream. He said many things but one thing I remember is he told me he was just glad to see me happy, because he hadn't seen me happy after he had died a lot. I still feel like I can kinda feel the kisses and hugs he gave me in the dream.

It was a good dream to say the least. =] He lives in my heart, memories and dreams.

This Dream

This dream last night
I was in a car with David and we were on that road that comes into Sparta from Alpine. I can't remember what it is called, but you end up going by Family Fare and end up on State Street. He was going really fast and I started to get scared and I think he realizes because he started to slow down but when he hit the breaks hard we spun and like roled on our side (as in the car did) I was in the back seat in the middle buckled but I ended up under the bench seat in the back all the way on the left side. I had unbuckled myself I remember and I was trying to say David are you ok but it was so faint you couldn't actually hear it. When the fire rescue came I was trying to figure out what to do. So I paniced and rebuckled myself on the left seat, and act like I was just unbuckling and they came up and told me not to move. I tried to explain to them what I remembered but since my seating arrangement didn't match the story because I had moved they told me I was probably fine and could go. Then as I started to leave I realized that my face was cut and swollen real bad. I just wanted to fine you Sheldan but I couldn't remember how to text or use my phone. I tried to ask my mom to take me to you but you were at walmart with your mom so she drove me there and I tried to find you. I couldn't find you but I could find your mom and sister. They looked at me and was like WHAT Happen!! lol

I remember waking up and my face hurt

It's been awhile

Since I have posted but I feel I have been busy trying to get ahead in my work because this Wednesday I am leaving for Sparta!! YAY
I am excited for this break and time to visit my home town. I miss people.
I am going to stay with my mom, I hope it goes well and she is happy to have me stay there. I thought it was a good step for me to bring this up and ask her to let me, I feel this is me trying and I hope she see's that. I also really hope this time that Sheldan and I will be able to walk around like we use to and hopefully "go see my dad" I haven't been there in SOOO long. =[
I am also excited to see Sheldan's mom and sisters. I love them like my own family lol

School has been going well and I feel I have been doing really well and working hard. Even used the library on campus a few times this past week and a half.

I start work on April 1st and hope it goes well and that I will be able to make enough money to safe for school. I am a little worried about how my financial air will work out. (reminds me I finally filed my taxes) =]

Today Sheldan and I bought a tv stand and cleaned his room and we are going to start saving our money for fish. We were trying to save for a trip to Mackinaw for a week but we have been putting the fish off so much that now we really want to focus on that.

Thing just seem to be going so well. I am so happy and excited. I can't thank Sheldan enough for all he does for me and we have a great thing going for us.
=D

It's surprising what you may never know

For a project for my Social Work class I have to make this huge portfolio on a social issue. My issue is self-injury. While it says you could include personal stories who deal or have dealt with the issue. So when I did a survey for my project and writing project, I learned of so many people who have self-harmed. Now I am gathering some stories from individuals to use and it just shocks me what some of them were going through. Even with the people that I have known they struggled with it, the details in the story just make me feel horrible for not helping them more.
This is really true in many cases, you never really know the extent of what some people go through. It makes you wondering sometimes what really is going on out there in the world and even right next door.

The Weekend

I have had such an amazing weekend with my Sheldan!!
Today he took me tot he Melting Pot, which is a fondue place. The services wasn't the best but most of the food was good. Sheldan and I got to go out and do something new and special though that was the best part.
Over the weekend Sheldan and I have just been hanging out and being close together. We have been watching movies, tv and relaxing. I feel we have been home a lot of the weekend by ourselve which is nice because we get to just relax and hold each other.
We even made a fort in his room with blankets! hehe it was so cool, Like being a kid again. We even slept in it for like 3 hours or so. Surprisingly it was very comfy.
This weekend has just seemed so special and amazing! I am sad to go back to school but can't wait for next weekend. =D
Also can't wait to go to SPARTA!! woot woot

Make people like you

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.


Thank you stumbleupon

And the Stress Returns

I came back to my dorm tonight after my week off for mid-winter break (spring break) and I am feeling overwhelmed. Which is crazy because nothing is happening for me to feel this way. I just start thinking of every possible thing I have to do and it seems like a lot when really it is not.
So to help myself I will make list of things to do.

-Fafsa on Monday
-Fill Taxes by Monday
-Laundry on Monday
-Alcohol norm Follow Up on Tuesday
-Fix Research Paper by Wednesday
-Study for SW Midterm by Thursday
-Writing Center for Research Paper by Thursday
-PSY quiz on Friday
-Edit Research Paper after Wednesday by Friday
-Read Chapter 8 for PSY by Sunday
----Next Week----
-Audience Analysis by Tuesday
-PSY Quiz by Wednesday

That is it for now I have to do my FAFSA

Things That Make Me Happy

Because Ms. Kelly Brewer told me too haha

10 Things That Make Me Happy Are... (in no real order by the way)

1. Sheldan - Honestly I don't know what I would do without him. He makes me smile every single day!! He has been there for me and continues to be there for me. I love him so much and everyday I don't see him, I go crazy missing him. I wish I could explain how much he means to me.

2. Kelly Brewer - Also known in my head by KB or Kel, though I never call her this in person, text or to others. (hence my pervious post just about her) We have had our fights, we don't talk as much but lately we talk here and there and I really enjoy it. We have had some amazing times together and I have done dumb shit with her but the experiences are priceless. I miss going to the cottage, hanging with her everyday. I love that girl. lol

3.Getting mail - as silly as that may seem. It makes me very happy.

4. Having money to spend on others - I love giving to others

5. PJ shorts/softball shorts - they are so comfy to wear

6. Hugs - while I never really was one to give a bunch of hugs, I absolutly love them! They make me feel special haha

7. Strawberries - I love the fruit to start with but they never serve strawberries at school in there fruit bowls and when they do its like heaven

8. Playing Broad/Card Games - they make me so happy to play and challenge others or just have a great time with others.

9. Going on walks with Sheldan - we use to all the time in the beginning of our relationship but then we moved =[

10. Memories - Just memories of all the good times in my life. Though it can be sad, more of it is making me happy remembering.

I am sure there are many more as well.

Nights of List

This describes my nights. (except I don't make list of people I hate) I can lay alone at night and make lists of things. Then the next night I lay along I will do that same thing. The lists almost always having the same stuff, and adding more. How sad is it that, that is the way I fall asleep most nights. Oh well I guess...

Good News

I got a call on Sunday and I got a job! YAY!!
This means that I will have a job come April. I will being staying down here for the summer. Which is nice because I won't have to be 3 hours from my Sheldan all summer long. =D I hope Sheldan just doesn't get sick of me. I am getting that paranoid things where I think he hates me being around so much since I am on Mid-Winter Break (Spring Break). I love being able to be around him so much! Going back to school in a week will suck so much.
The only bad thing lately is I miss my family so much at times. You know sometimes I just wish things could be back to normal. I haven't talked to anyone in my family in probably a month or so. If my mom would make an effort to actually get back in my life or something I would probably agree right to it. But I am not going to crawl back. I feel what she did was not fair and I don't want her thinking that I have came around and that what she did was the right thing in all. I guess I have my standards on things.
I have been thinking about my family so much lately though. One day I took a really good cry just remembering all the good times, or the times that weren't so bad. I don't know what to do. SO I guess I will continue on in my life and try to fight the thought of missing them.
I have my Sheldan and while its probably not a good thing that I only have him. I love him so much, I don't care. He brings me so much joy and love!!

Spring Time?

Well the last couple days have been warm and/or sunny. I hope it decides to stay I am ready for the warm weather.
Today just seems like a good day. =D I can't wait to spend this next week with Sheldan because come tomorrow 12:30pm I am on SPRING BREAK! woot
My head is fully of psychology, since I am studying for my exam. I am thinking it will go well. I feel I know quite a bit. Bring it on!!
Everyone remember to smile, life is beautiful!

Ms. Kelly Brewer

My Rock the second half of my sophomore year and all through Junior year. Seriously we got to be so close and we were pretty much ALWAYS with each other. I miss this girl so much, it hurts. We had a falling out Senior year and I can't even tell you why. Now we are cool but she lives like 200 miles from each other so its not like we can have our crazy fun times like we use it. We have so many inside jokes and memories that we could write a damn book. Kelly Brewer every thing you have went through and you still stay strong. I admire you for that. In the non-creepy way that would offend your mother I love you Kelly Brewer.

Songs on the Mind

1. Holes in the Floor of Heaven - Collin Raye

2. The Gift - Jim Brickman

3. If I Get There Before You Do - Collin Raye

4.Get Higher - Paper Tongues

I suggest you to listen to them

Valentine's Day

Well tomorrow is Valentines Day and I actually already celebrated it. My gift is actually lame compared to last year and to what I got this year. I am making Sheldan a fleece tie blanket; it is camo and brown. I wanted to give it to him this weekend with his homemade pop up card but the fabric didn't come in time =[ So I gave him his card so he wasn't empty handed. But on Saturday he totally surprised me! When I got a package in the mail. It was a boutique of lilies and irises in a square vase. Plus it came with chocolates, bubble bath stuff and a $50 redeem gift card that we get to use!! I couldn't believe it and it is so amazing. I hope he likes his gift when he gets it...probably this coming Friday.

I know people say they hate valentines day but honestly I really do like it. It is a day that I have a reason to spoil my Sheldan even if it is just making him a blanket. I hope everyone has a good Valentines Day.

Charlie St. Cloud

Good Movie: I will admitt it made me cry. It is my favorite movie that Zac Effron has been in and he did a good job in it. Though its his little brother that can really get to you. This all may be my opinion though. But I suggest watching it, it was pretty good.

Out From Darkness

This Flower is ready to shine
Please help this Flower shine
The darkness is not home
Can you show it a home
It just wants the spring
The beauty, strength and warmth
It wants protection and guidance
Its time to unthaw and let these colors shine
The Flower is here to stay
And it needs you
Forever and Always

School...

School is just driving me crazy right now. I feel the weekends haven't been enough lately. Good thing mid-winter break (my spring break) is in a week and a half! I think I will spend it with my Sheldan! =D Good quality time with some studying and homework that I will have.
One a good note, I have a job interview this Saturday for a job done here. Which means I will stay down here for the summer and not go back to Sparta. I am waiting to know if I actually get the job to tell anyone in Sparta if I will be coming back or not. Sheldan already asked his dad and Chris and they said that I can stay the summer there. =D
The only bad part is that I will have to work the weekends which are my time I usually relax. But I will make do. Also the fact that I don't have my license or a car so I will rely on Sheldan to take me to my job. I hope it works out!! This summer I NEED to work on getting my license I am just nervous to drive with anyone down here and on the roads down here.
Stressing is not cool, I just need to remind myself that things are ok and everything will work out.

Sun...

Today the sun shining is amazing. It may only be 25 degrees out and the wind can be chilly but when the wind die downs and the sun shines on you it feels like spring is coming. It makes me want to stay outside for hours. It is so beautiful out today! It puts me in a great mood.

Love Yourself

Everyday something is going to happen, whether it is good, bad, or just the same. It is the days that something bad happens that we all need a reminder to love ourselves. If you do not like what is happening around you, then change it. You have to remember that everything is not going to be handed to you and that makes you strong. You will have your ups and your downs, but without those downs you would never have any ups. Cherish the times you have had, cherish the moments your having and cherish the ones to come.

I LOVE YOU

I give you my heart and I do not want it back.



“I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go."

Comments to Others

--I just want you to realize that I need you. It hurts more to be in the same place as you and get no attention until 1am in the morning. I know that you need your time, I am fine with that. But don't spend ALL day away from me. I only get to see you a couple days of the week and I cherish those moments.

--I wish I didn't have to lose you, I love you so much! and lately it has been so hard.

--I don't know where you get your infromation, but I DO NOT HATE the world. I don't act like it either. You are an asshole for putting people you don't even really know down. You need to live your own life and stop intruding into others. Another thing you and my dad, you were not the best of buds so stop acting like you knew everything about him! You don't even know what I have went through and the true side of shit. SO you should really shut the hell up. I tried being nice to you but insulting me, my boyfriend, and telling lies is ridiculous!

--You are an asshole, what you did to my family was uncalled for! I don't know where you are, or anything. But I don't wish death on you or physical pain. But I hope you realize what you have done and what kind of ass you are. When someone says to watch over someones family, it does not mean marry them and then cheat on them and cause pain and hurt about them and there family. I really do hate you and I will never trust you in my life!!

Can't you see the truth?

I really hate when you have something that is bothering you, but you don't say anything about it. Then that just leads you to getting irritated about everything and mad at people close to you. But all you really want is for them to pay attention and hold you tight. But they don't see that in your eyes. They sit and think your fine or that you are mad at them, but your not you just really want them to see it and not have to tell them.

You Could Say That

Do you ever have those days where it starts out really well and then you feel it go down hill, but do not know why? Like nothing really happened to make it bad, its just all of a sudden you are kinda blue about the day. hmm..today is one of those days.
But on a good note I think I figured out a V-day gift to get my boyfriend. =D I hope he will like it!

Another note:
I am in a social work class because that is what I plan to go into, but there is this one lady in there who is more "set in her ways" than all the rest of us. It is like she is trying to say she is open minded and could be a social worker, but she couldn't. She is rather judgmental to other people's believes. She bugs me quite a bit. Though my social work class is really nice, we have a lot of discussions in class that just keep going. The only bad part is we never get any of our power points done in class. We are a week and a half behind, but the professor is cool and does not seem to mind at all.

Sometimes I wish we were like whiteboards and earse everything and start fresh...but then I think of a few people I wouldn't want to leave behind. But sometimes it seems nice if you could have a good clean change or something could be better for a new experience. I don't really know where I am going with this anymore. (Go figure) My mind is just racing and can't seem to settle. I better just relax.

I love life

I don't get how people can make judgments about others when they do not know them. I love life! It may not be easy at times but that is one thing that is great. You have to experience the lows to enjoy the highs. Yes I was raised with good parents and my dad did love me very much. He may have died, but not for me, he died from a disease and I know how hard it was for him to leave us all here on earth. Life may have been hard after that but its life it is not meant to be easy!! I am going to college, I pay my bills, and take care of myself. Yes I get help from friends and some relatives, but they love me and that is why. I take pride in who I am and what I am doing with my life. I choose the people in my life and some people are not meant to be there. I just want everyone to know, don't let others bring you down, because your true family and friends will be there for you and respect you. I love my life and myself. Do you?

Crazy

Things just seem to be crazy right now. So much school work to do this week, I swear everything was piled on at once. I hate that. I am really glad that I have someone there for me, who will keep me going. It sucks not seeing him during the week, but it does make the weekend like heaven. =D I never really thought I could feel like this for someone. It is absolutely amazing. I feel I really need the constant support of someone, and someone for me to be there for. I really believe people are meant to be together. I am not saying that single people cannot make it being single. I know some can and if that is what they want in life then hey go for it. But I think the majority of people in the world really are meant to find someone in there life to help them through live. The world is crazy itself and it is not going to be easy on anyone. Its a game of life and no one gets out alive. But anyone can enjoy the experience and build their character.
I do not know if that is really making any sense to anyone or not. But I love my boyfriend and I will always be there for him, no matter what. (yes even if our relationship was to end) He is my best friend and he has impacted my life so much, that I know he is not someone I could just forget about. I will hold him in my heart forever. (Yes I know him and I have only been dating for 13 months and it is both of yours first relationship) But I still know how I feel about him. He has gave me hope, love, kindness. He gave me a home, a reason, and so much more I can't put into words.
It's just Forever and Always.

Do you wonder...

Do you ever wonder if things always happen for a reason?
Do you ever wonder if you are here for a specific reason?
Do you ever wonder if you are meant to be with more than one person or is the first one you find the best one for you?
Do you ever wonder if your "best friend" is suppose to be your "best friend forever" or just for a part of your life then leave?
Do you ever wonder if you should totally change yourself?
Do you wonder why on everything?

...WELL I DO...

It's one of those questions...why

This past week two people have died from my old high school. I was not close to either of them, but one of them (the one from my grade) is really bugging me. This is not the first time I have known someone to die, I mean I went through my dad, grandma, grandpa, and many other people. (Those were just the closest ones to me) I think the reason it really is bothering me, because he choose to take his life. I was not able to go to the funeral, but a friend that went told me they read his letter he left behind at the funeral. My friend said it basically said this, "he knew he had a beautiful life, and he knew he was loved by wonderful people, but the world was just too horrible and he felt empty and void inside so it was time for his soul to move" I haven't fully figured out why it bugs me so bad...
This kid never seemed like the one that would take his life. He had plans for himself, he wanted kids, he was going to college. He knew his life wasn't bad, but yet he still felt empty and really decided to end it. I don't think he was meant to die either. He had to crash his car, then he started walking, where then he was hit by a car and then another. It took so much for his life to end. I can't imagine what was going on in his mind.
Maybe I wish I could have done something? Maybe I wish I knew him more? Maybe I am just scared that others will choose the same path? Maybe I still just can't believe it? So many questions I wish could be answered.